Feelings

I'm really tired of people asking me if I’m okay, need to talk etc, etc.
I'm also tired of the remarks that “your acting weird” or “why aren't you crying”.
After crying more than I have in the last six months in a 4 day period I can't seem to cry anymore. I FEEL like crying but I don't seem to have anymore tears to cry with. I Love my Grandma, just because I am not falling apart now that is gone doesn't mean I don't care. I’m trying to compartmentalize my feelings right now till spring break (another week...) because I have way to much school work going on this week and next. I am so stressed out right now with everything that has been going on, part of it is because I have been slacking on my daily quiet time with God. I’m trying to handle everything on my own and I am soo not good at it. This week has been horrible because I can’t bring myself to care about anything school related even though I have so much of it due. I have been forcing myself to go through the motions and write a 5 page History paper, study for 3 exams next week (possibly for depending on how the teacher feels) and 2-4 page English paper.

To try and relax (is that even possible while in university?) I have been organizing all my Germany pictures I took last July and picking my favorite to make a book on shutterfly.com. It takes my mind off stuff I should be doing….I know, I know studying should come first. Not really concerned with that right now. My dad is though, I know he is trying to think of my future but right now a failed assignment will not affect my grade too bad in 2 out of 5 classes. One class has a lot of extra credit 1 page papers I could do I could pass the coarse alone if I did all of them.

I am just so worn out this week it makes me wonder if I really want to do Graduate school. I have another year till I finish my bachelors and it would add 2 more years on. Lots to think about after this coming week.